How to Celebrate Your Single Life

When I divorced in my early 30s after an 11-year marriage, I had to learn how to be single again. It wasn’t easy. I suddenly had to deal with going back to work full-time, juggling parental responsibilities, and navigating the dating world. I felt stressed out with bills, a job that was draining for me, the intense loneliness of singlehood, and, of course, all my self-defeating and self-recriminating thoughts. I envied my happily married friends and family members. I regretted the years I had “wasted” in my marriage and I wondered if I would ever fulfill my dreams.

It took me a while to realize that I had a victim mentality.

I felt that my life had gone “wrong.” I was supposed to have married the right man, had a loving relationship, and had multiple children by now. I was supposed to be living a fulfilled, inspired and inspiring life. But since I had made the “mistake” of marrying my ex, I had messed up my life, and now I was salvaging it as best as I could by leaving and starting again. And once I got remarried to The One, everything would be OK again and my life would be back on track.

But what if none of that was true? What if nothing had gone wrong?

What if I was meant to marry my ex, because we had an incredible daughter together who couldn’t have been born through any other union?

What if my soul was meant to go through that particular journey, so that I would discover what I truly valued and desired? What if I had to learn the hard way about setting boundaries and having my own back? What if I was meant to travel on this path so as to have more empathy and compassion for others, and to help them along the journey as well?

And in the process of divorcing, I had to learn to listen to my inner voice, the one I had muffled for so long. I had to grow and stretch in ways I didn’t think I was capable of. I had to honor my deepest desires, instead of being a self-sacrificing martyr.

Some people think divorce is a failure. I used to be one of those people. I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want to admit that my life wasn’t the perfect life it was supposed to be. If I could just drag my husband to the right couples therapist, if I could just read the right book, if he could just see where I was coming from, it was gonna get better.

Admitting to myself that it wasn’t gonna get better, that I deserved more in life, and that I couldn’t just give up on my happiness, was one of the most terrifying things in my life.

But I did it.

So as challenging as my single life can be, I remind myself that everything that happened was meant to happen. I was meant to marry my ex. I was meant to stay as long as I did. I was meant to leave when I did. And everything has unfolded in the perfect way to facilitate my ultimate growth as a human being on this planet.

So I celebrate my single life. I’m not a victim to circumstance. Nothing has gone wrong. Everything is actually developing exactly according to the cosmic plan. And perhaps my divorce was the Divine disruption to launch me on my path towards my ultimate purpose.

In being single, I’ve experienced heartbreak and isolation and anxiety. I’ve felt that I was drowning in the river of misery. But I’ve also experienced intense joy, friendship and freedom. I’ve learned to be resilient, to be independent, to accept what is. After years of denying and numbing my feelings during my marriage, I’ve learned to embrace the full human experience.

And perhaps that is the greatest celebration of all.